You should thank me for not drinking (otherwise we might have had to brawl)

My friend Laura and I went to the local tex-mex joints (well one of them) that is billed as a family restaurant. She has a one year old and my son will be two in less than a month. We were eating and My son started his two year old crap where he stands up and stares at the people in the booth behind us. Every sentence I said was punctuated with "Sit down son" where he would sit still for a few seconds and proceed with his silly stuff again.

Well I needed to clean him up but first I was moving anything that could cause more mess away from his area and wiping the table down. This takes maybe 3-5 minutes. That is about how long I was distracted. During which time my filthy food filled kid apparently drooled and touched the 8 year old girl behind hims hair. The guy sitting there went off. He started with something along the line of "hey can you get your kid to sit down?" That was not a problem, I have no problems with people who are having legitimate issues with my kids behavior for whatever reason, like I said, I was distracted a little. The thing is he continued before I could respond with a "no problem" He then started in on how filthy my kid was and how he was drooling (which he wasn't because he is not in drool mode) and how he was harassing them and had done so the ENTIRE MEAL and how this poor man and his family had to put up with it. My friend Laura snarkily remarked "must be nice that your kids must have come out perfect. Did they come out at age 5?" I believe I also stated "Wow you must be the parent of the year"

Then he said the scary part "No, I just have CONTROL" it was this point that we realized that his whole family was sheepishly staring into their food. Laura then said, "I bet your kids are afraid of you." To which he replied "I trained them. to be this way!" Laura then continued to battle with him a little while I sat quiet and then said to Laura "wow, this guy is so not worth the effort of talking to. Leave the parent of the year alone."
I then proceeded to finish cleaning my kid (because after eating he was filthy, that is what toddlers do) and then held him and let him scream until the Father of the year left the restaurant.
Laura then remarked "I bet he thinks he has control, I bet his kids are home schooled.... and I bet his daughter still gets pregnant before 18 years old."

Even the server was like "wow that family was weird"

I just had to laugh, what goes around comes around you know... But secretly, I think he beats them.