Saturday, January 31, 2009

Crying it out

Soooo My kid has a new habit where he climbs out of his crib and runs all around for an hour and a half before bed. its super awesome.. okay not really. In any case he was doing this last night. I happen to have a friend staying with me because she has suffered immensely due to the recession. She and I were taking turns putting my toddler back into his crib where he would climb out and start his nonsense over again.

Suddenly he stopped then started crying. We just figured that he was crying because he was mad that he could not stay up with us and watch Ed Wood or something....

The crying continued... and continued until it got FRANTIC and I went in to make sure he was okay since it is unusual for him to get frantic when he is just mad. I walked in on my kid hanging by the seat of his zip up footed jammies out of the crib.

Here is where I am a terrible Parent. I instead of immediately rescuing my poor child burst into PEALS OF LAUGHTER... big hee Haww laughter. The kind where you snort. I then called my friend who also burst into laughter and finally when I calmed down a little got my kid and comforted him.

No I forgot to get a picture.... I just have a witness.... and not even 5 minutes after I put him back in bed he started it again.

Evil Keneevil Or what have you.


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Friday, January 23, 2009

You should thank me for not drinking (otherwise we might have had to brawl)

My friend Laura and I went to the local tex-mex joints (well one of them) that is billed as a family restaurant. She has a one year old and my son will be two in less than a month. We were eating and My son started his two year old crap where he stands up and stares at the people in the booth behind us. Every sentence I said was punctuated with "Sit down son" where he would sit still for a few seconds and proceed with his silly stuff again.

Well I needed to clean him up but first I was moving anything that could cause more mess away from his area and wiping the table down. This takes maybe 3-5 minutes. That is about how long I was distracted. During which time my filthy food filled kid apparently drooled and touched the 8 year old girl behind hims hair. The guy sitting there went off. He started with something along the line of "hey can you get your kid to sit down?" That was not a problem, I have no problems with people who are having legitimate issues with my kids behavior for whatever reason, like I said, I was distracted a little. The thing is he continued before I could respond with a "no problem" He then started in on how filthy my kid was and how he was drooling (which he wasn't because he is not in drool mode) and how he was harassing them and had done so the ENTIRE MEAL and how this poor man and his family had to put up with it. My friend Laura snarkily remarked "must be nice that your kids must have come out perfect. Did they come out at age 5?" I believe I also stated "Wow you must be the parent of the year"

Then he said the scary part "No, I just have CONTROL" it was this point that we realized that his whole family was sheepishly staring into their food. Laura then said, "I bet your kids are afraid of you." To which he replied "I trained them. to be this way!" Laura then continued to battle with him a little while I sat quiet and then said to Laura "wow, this guy is so not worth the effort of talking to. Leave the parent of the year alone."
I then proceeded to finish cleaning my kid (because after eating he was filthy, that is what toddlers do) and then held him and let him scream until the Father of the year left the restaurant.
Laura then remarked "I bet he thinks he has control, I bet his kids are home schooled.... and I bet his daughter still gets pregnant before 18 years old."

Even the server was like "wow that family was weird"

I just had to laugh, what goes around comes around you know... But secretly, I think he beats them.


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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Remembering Cheese Restriction

I got the same birthday card EVERY YEAR for many many years. I think I still have at least one floating around. It has a flow chart on it and one of the boxes said "do you like cheese?" And if you said Yes then it said "eat the cheese!" It also made a cheese comment on the back of the card as well.

Now, I got this card because I love cheese. No really I LOVE CHEESE! its been a standing thing since I read the sweet potato queens that I will have my ashes put into an urn made of cheese. Due to my love of cheese my stepmother would not let me eat any. Seriously. I was on cheese restriction when I was under her roof.

My stepmother hoarded cheese, she had it frozen from when it went on sale, there was ALWAYS cheese, when I got a job, I bought my own damn cheese to spite her and it is still ALWAYS in my house. Various kinds and in various forms, I love cheese.

Previous to my employment my friends took pity on me and my best friend (one of them I have two) actually brought a block of cheese and a cheese cutter to school and gave it to me. I actually carried the cheese around in my pocket all day and ate it. THE WHOLE BLOCK OF IT!

I also had a saying in high school: "Ich habe kase in meiner hose" Thats german for I have cheese in my pants. I truely did have cheese in my pants that day and I was the happiest girl in the world. But i digress....

Lets get back to this card... I received this card every year from people who knew me, some of whom did not know the covert cheese in pants smuggling operation. Everyone knew about cheese restriction.

I am going to cut this short... My sister, my friends from MPHS (more than once), my friends from GHS (twice) and various family members all sent me this card. The only thing I can figure now is that it must be out of print since I have not received it for many years. So sad....

But I did always eat the cheese.


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